Accountability and Responsibility and More:

Accountability and Responsibility: Wade Hone 11-05-2006

This is a very long post, it started out as a response to a comment from Aztlan in the preceding blog post from Nov 3, 06. It turned into a long essay and I figured it might as well go in this blog as it’s own post. I will figure out how to ‘trim out’ some of the body of this post so that I can keep a couple of main paragraphs here on the main page, but hide most of it behind a link that you can click to read it all unabridged, till then your stuck with the whole 7 page non edited enchilada.

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The whole idea behind being held accountable is so closely tied to being responsible for something that it is hard to really distinguish between the two. Some people seek more and more responsibilities in life; they enjoy being held accountable for the results of something that they were responsible for. Often when things go well, there is great glory involved for those that were responsible for making it happen.

Some would prefer not to have the normal acclaim and the glory that being the responsible person can often bring about. At least some might like to receive the reward of successfully completing a responsibility in a different way than today’s western society rewards those who succeed. Public honors and such just might not be what that individual really wants. It may be different in eastern, or other societies I really don’t know.

If a person falls into the category, where they are not motivated by the glory they might achieve from taking on a responsibility and making it work, then that person would need to be motivated by something else. Fear of failure would be one thing that motivates. Fear of failure, is a powerful motivator, though perhaps, it’s not one of the most desirable. That fear might make one seek instead to avoid responsibility altogether so that they never face even the opportunity to fail.

I certainly hope that fear of failure isn’t the main motivating factor in my life. Since I’m not really motivated by the glory and recognition of success, one would have to start to wonder at least, if fear played at least some part in the motivation behind my desire to avoid responsibility. If fear of failure was the main motivation, it’s not doing that good of a job motivating; as I don’t really fear ‘failure’ or at least, I don’t fear others thinking that I have failed according to their view of what is successful.

I imagine that my definition of success is not one that would readily be accepted ‘in the main’. That being the case, how could I look to the approval of others for my motivation? I just could not do it. That is all.

Thus we come back to the point of this article, Self Accountability. I’m in the process of setting up a monitoring structure that is based on my own definition of what success is. Feed back from that structure is what I’ll use to judge my successes. The status report I mentioned in the original post.

Something written will do much better than my gut feeling at keeping me up to date on where I am really at in my quest to achieve success. It is very important that a person knows whether he has won for the day. If the current social support network that surrounds a person does not have exactly the same idea of what success should be, then a person should not look to that social network to monitor their progress. Instead they should look to themselves to know weather or not they have won for the day. I once read, though I can’t remember who wrote it, that;

“Every day a man should know whether he has won or lost.”

I completely agree with that.

It is interesting that Aztlan brought up something that when compared to a conversation I recently had with my father, illustrates this point very clearly. Dennis, (my father,) and I were driving along and I got to talking about games and my gaming habits. You see, I like to game, and I like to game allot. I was explaining how many of the successes that I have had in this life related directly to the relationships that I had developed through my association with other gamers. I spoke of how one fellow who went by the name of ‘Slick’ had sent me some training materials and encouraged me to follow my desire at the time to get into Information Technology as a career. His interest and mentorship, directly influenced my actions which landed me a job on a project doing Y2K remediation for AT&T Wireless. That path eventually led to me managing a branch for that contractor company, then, by mutual decision to a nice corporate career type of job with AT&T Wireless.

While working and traveling I actually utilized my online gaming friends as a sort of permanent social network that provided some emotional stability that frequent projects and moves would have made difficult to develop using traditional methods. In one case, no, at least two cases, skilled people that I hired came from that very group of online gamers. Their skill and expertise were a benefit to me and the companies that received their services. I mention all of this, (though I don’t think I went in to quite so much detail in the conversation with my father,) to illustrate the benefits that my gaming habits had brought to my life. I didn’t even begin to touch on the technical skill acquired through having to tweak a computer system to get it to run the game, and play said game on line with other people. At the time, back in the long lost days of Dos, console prompts, 640 k chunks of memory to work with, batch files, Winsock, and processor speeds measured in megahertz instead of gigahertz, you really had to learn some stuff if you wanted to play, and learn even more if you wanted to play with friends online.

Heh, I sound like the old timer that ‘walked up hill in 6 feet of snow just to go to school… both ways!’ but the truth is that today it’s the exact same situation, if you want to connect with others and play with the latest toy’s you still have to learn how to use technology. Ok, so I made my arguments about how beneficial and what a strong motivator my desire to play games on line has been over time.
As a parent even though your kids grow older, and in my case I’m 35, well into middle adulthood, (at least according purely to statistics,) you still concern yourself with your children’s well being.

A strong dedication to gaming and computers is not something that can really be fully understood by anyone who doesn’t share that same passion. To Dennis, (and lets be honest, many people would agree with him,) all that time could be spent in better pursuits. While I’m sure that he is right, can’t that same argument be made about almost anything that we do in life?

I really don’t think that most of us have attained that level of, as maslow says ‘Self Actualization’ where our pursuits in life are geared towards the betterment of society all of the time. So for the dedicated golfer, fisherman, football watching Couch Coach, the same thing might be said. Computer gaming is new, and has yet to really find it’s true niche in society as a whole as of yet. Or at least not with the older gamers yet. So, it is totally understandable that a father would be concerned and have an opinion on what time spent on the computer could better be used for. That being the case, Dennis, In a playful tone so as not to offend, said something like:

“Well wade, you can rationalize all you want to, but the truth is you’re actually addicted.”

Here is where the point to all this reminiscing leads. However first, let me add that the short conversation that I was having with my dad, didn’t really have all of the above arguments in it, and I’m glad, because had they contained them all, Dennis may not have made that comment about addiction, (though he would argue that he would have, I’m sure,) and had he not made such a comment, I would not have all of this material to Blog about.

Ok, and now to the point of it all; I tried to explain to my Dad that in the gaming community, I was really a light weight. I don’t think that he was buying into any of that, so that’s where Aztlan’s comments really come in handy. You see for all of my time spent and the perceived dedication to the craft of gaming, I’m really not ‘that’ dedicated. Well to gaming in whole I am, but to the level that true respect in the gaming community is gained, no way.

Light weight is the best I could be considered. While I doubt that any of my close online gamer friends would argue against the fact that zWolf (my online alias,) loves to play games, or even that he spends a lot of time playing. It really takes a special effort to make your mark in a game. As for the gaming group that Aztlan and I are a part of, we go back for years and years… I think when I started planning to play, and then playing Ultima Online with Aztlan I was 25 or 26, and he was probably only 16. I’m 35 now so I’m sure that several years have passed, and that he too has increased in age.

I have participated in the leadership of the group several times, and been happy as a member. Some times, as I think all of the members have done at one time or another, participation has waned somewhat when life’s adventures take up the time that was previously dedicated to gaming.

Here is the thing, and I know that I am not alone in this. I’m sure that every one belongs to a few if not several different social groups. If one of those social groups borders or is fanatical about something, then in the social groups that are not as passionate about that thing, conflict often arises.

Let us take my case as an example. I am heavily involved in one social group, consisting of friends family neighbors and most of the people that I would meet on the street near my home. In this social group the general perception of success would be things like Marrying well, Home / Property ownership, A decent vehicle would be nice, with an SUV or Pickup being a nice indication of success in at least in that arena.
Other things that social group would consider being a success, would be financial wealth of course. How good your children were. Pretty much success is defined in my social network of which I write in the same way that most anyone who watches T.V., reads the news or generally participates in this civilization has come to define it.

Though added to the mix would be quite a big dash of religious adherence. Since even if someone reached the panicles of all other points of success, but had failed in his religious duty, true success, in the eye’s of this society which I belong to, would definitely not have been achieved.


Since I typed it, I’ll leave it in, but after typing the whole paragraph I realized, this is just an area that I’m hyper sensitive too heh, thus the additional remarks regarding marriage:

In the society in which I belong to marrying well would mean finding some one who was of the same faith, who had a good work ethic, had an attitude of helpfulness to their neighbors, was pleasant in bearing and to the eye, having money wouldn’t hurt, but isn’t really as important as being in love, but… they would probably need to be a Republican, Conservative Independent or at least a democrat who seemed to be conservative and didn’t really talk about that shameful character flaw much.

Ok, now contrast this to the online gaming community, where respect is gained when can play a game exceptionally well, how much time you dedicated to playing that game, how fast your computer processor is, what graphics card you were using, what phat lewts you had in game, how much you helped your online guild, the amount that you participated with the out of game community irc chat’s, forum board participation, and your technical skills which are valued for helping others in the community get their rig’s running, and online, as well has helping with advice on what to get for your machine or what not to.

There are many things that add to the definition of success, the point is they are very different things than marriage, house owner ship, what kind of car that you drive, or how cute / nice your girlfriend / wife is. One thing holds true though, those that are perceived as the most successful are those that on a regular basis, can spend their time online with the other members of the community associating or playing the game. It’s not like the person that spends the most time is the most successful though, there are many additional factors and nuances that help to raise or lower your position in the perceived but never discussed higher arch of gamers.

Over all success is measured by your dedication to the games that your community is playing at the time. if the group is between games, then your success as a member is measured by your participation in the community through chat rooms, forum boards, helping out, sharing jokes, tech info, goodies ill gotten or obtained through legal means etc.


The key here is that while in social network #1, for some one to tell you that they feel that you are addicted to a game, it would be considered a negative statement to your character.

The opposite is true of Social Network #2.

I absolutely love to play games where I can tell that many of the players that I associate are “addicted” to the game. The term addicted definitely has positive over tones though perhaps it is used in a playfully derogatory manner amongst friends; it’s unspoken that by me saying you’re ‘addicted to the game,’ that I’m giving you props. It is most definitely a compliment.

So, and here is where it all ties together, in order for an individual to attain success, that person must first define success for themselves.

If I based my measure of success on getting, doing, or achieving the things that I thought would win me respect in the eyes of the various social networks that I associate with.

If I belonged to several of these social networks and based my perception of my own personal success on what I perceived the members of that social network judged success to be, then it could become very messy, trying to attain success in the various groups, especially if the objectives of those groups varied. Even if at the end of the day I did have the respect and honor and glory from the various groups, have I really succeeded? I imagine that the only way that answer could be yes would be that if my own personal definition of success was to please the various social networks that I was a part of.

Reading back over that last sentence seems almost obvious that one wouldn’t define personal success based on pleasing some one else. At first glance that sounds like a rather frivolous and shallow goal. A long time ago, I gave that very topic quite a bit of consideration. I really thought about it, and really took a good honest look at how much of my time, and whether or not any of my life’s goals were there in hopes of getting approval from others in the social networks that I belonged to.

That is an interesting exercise to say the least. How many things do you do each day to get others to like you, to respect you or to love you?

The question that follows that one then is; Is it wrong to do things do each day to get others to like you, to respect you or to love you?

I’m going to have to say no, personally I came to the conclusion that no it’s not wrong. I also decided that to think that is not wrong didn’t make me an all together shallow person either. What it DID do for me is be very careful who I selected to be in that group of people from whom I seek approval, love, and respect. It also made me very aware of how much freedom that I have in choosing how to succeed.

If I choose carefully who’s approval, love and understanding that I seek, and work hard at not seeking the approval and understanding of every one, then first of all I spend allot less time trying to convince people that ‘my way’ is the right way. Lets be honest, in most cases, it really doesn’t matter does it? Is there really any reason to spend pages and pages of text on an internet chat forum dedicated to fans of the play station or Nintendo gaming console, that the X-box is a better rig? Why am trying to convince some total stranger named “THUNDARCAT386” of that anyway? Do I really need him to agree with me? Do I even want his approval, love or respect? If so, why? Just some natural need that is in all humankind to seek social acceptance? Heh, I can better dedicate that time and energy in seeking those things from the short list of people that I really do care about.

I have become quite good at deciding if I am doing something to please some one else, to get their approval, or if my actions are actually more in line with what I really want, and what will help me to achieve the success that I have defined personally for me. The truth is because of how I was raised, and how I developed my own perceptions of right and wrong etc. often times the action that will garner the respect of some one in the social network that who I want to approve of me, are right in line with the things that will help me achieve my own success.

The freedom to pick and choose, to do, or not do something purely to seek approval from members of one social network group or the other, have some side affects. Which include not always doing the thing that would gain you the most respect of that person.

In the gaming community that I belong to, the side effect is that I don’t put in quite as much time as a person would on the particular game that we are playing. Or I’ll go great guns full bore ahead, spending as much time as the most dedicated “addicted” player of our group for a few weeks, then quickly just drift away, or adopt a style of play that is not as helpful to the group over all.

Lucky for me, there are plenty of areas that I can continue to shine in, to garner the respect of my gaming community. The relationships stay strong, and every one is just happy when I come back for another gaming session with the group. I’m known more for my diversity in gaming, and ability to develop good friendships quickly with the other members of the group and both of those things come in handy to the group, which garner the respect, approval, and love that I’d like to have there.

In the other group, the family, friends, and neighbors group, the side effect of my choices to selectively pick when I do things for approval purposes that are not really my own desires at the time, are that I might not attend church as regularly as I ought, though my faith is still strong, or I may miss more social get-togethers than perhaps one might were he trying to maintain the highest approval rating in his peer group.

The net effect of this approach is very very good though. You see, what ends up happening is that when I DO something it is for the right reasons, it is because I really want to do it. If I’m in a game socializing with my guild, I’m in it because I really want to be there, not just because the game designer has fashioned a devious program that forces a social system on the players if they want to be super successful in the game, all because they know that those social structures keep members coming back to pay another months subscription fee’s long after a solo player would have gotten bored and moved on to something else.

Anyway this is a lot of writing just to make the point which the Greek’s and those that continue their discussions, have been chit chatting about for Eons.

“Temet Nosce!” And no less important, “Sui Juis”

(“Know Thyself” and “One’s Own Master”)

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Ok all that being said, I have a whole different thread that I’d like to write about sometime has to do with justifying this almost ‘selfish’ sounding approach to living life with the ‘selfless’ approach that is taught in the holy words written by profits.

For a jumping off point for the next round of writing, I’ll just say that to truly find happiness and attain success of an eternal nature; every person should develop his relationship with God to the point that that through prayer a partnership can be forged. It is my belief that there are many things that we think are so very important that when we let God in as a partner we find that they really are not really that important after all.

With a partnership formed and a clear understanding of what God’s will is, you can pay attention to those few things that really are important and attain eternal happiness. I guess the thing to keep in mind is that even if you don’t pay attention, and you really don’t take care of those few things that are really important, God is still there, arms out stretched, and beckoning for you. So develop that personal relationship with him, and know that even though you sure may not feel worthy of any help, he will still help you in your pursuits. ( I wrote ‘you’ but obviously I’m writing to myself here.. in my blog.)


Alma 29:4 in the book of Mormon has a great principle to teach:

“…for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they by unto salvation or unto destruction.”



Wade -out.